Something To Think About

Think about this for a moment, what if:

1.) You've never failed before in your studies.
2.) You've never failed before in your career.
3.) You've never failed before in your relationships.
4.) You've never failed before in your community.
5.) You've never failed before in your endeavours.

How would your life be in the present, having known no failures? Would you classify your life as perfect/fulfilled/enjoyable?

Well, for me, I've:

1.) Failed before in my studies, having to sit for the GCE "O" Level Examinations three times, failing at the first attempt, not attempting the second attempt and finally passing the third attempt.
2.) Failed before in my attempt at being a freelance web site designer.
2.) Failed before in my relationships, encountering numerous heartaches, friends and closed ones leaving me and breaking up with two ex-girlfriends of whom one is now happily married.
3.) Failed before my close circle of friends when I decided not to have anything more to do with them after suffering silently for years.
5.) Failed before in my endeavours such as the aim to have lots of friends.

One can only forget truly about one's past failures by only admitting to them, facing up to them and living a new phase in life.

I admit that I am not perfect in my studies, having to have a 6 month medical leave from school because I overstressed myself, not able to meet the demands of past customers 100%, not perfect in my relationships with my ex-girlfriends having failed twice, not able to meet up to the overwhelming demands and expectations of that close circle of friends and I admit that I do not have that many close friends.

I face up to the fact that I get emotional easily, often letting my heart make the decisions in my life, that I am overweight and don't look that good in bright-coloured clothes, that I can't commit to new relationships because I don't have the emotional capacity to do so, that I can't live up to everybody's expectations and demands and that I don't have too many close friends.

I am now living in a new phase of life by learning to keep my emotions under control even though I still lose control at times, by not commiting to new relationships until I am emotionally ready, by breaking up contact with former friends and acquintances which drain my emotionally or are not bearing any significant meaning and more.

How about you, my reader? What failures have you not yet admitted, faced up to and made the necessary adjustments to better your life?

(C) 2006,2007,2008,2009 Absolutely Daniel Yoleh.

What Do You Wish For?

Could it be better health? More friends? A new relationship? Or a new career?

5 months are about to pass by in this year, what have you wished for at the beginning of this year? Has it been realized yet? If not, why?

I've learnt one thing when it comes to wishing for things. The higher the value you place for a wish, the more likely you will be disappointed when it doesn't get realized. Does that mean that we wish for less? No, not necessarily.

Instead of wishing for that much desired thing to come your way, why not work on the other lesser "wishes" first? It could be wanting to learn a new language, or learning how to cook instead of just wishing for a brand new apartment.

A big wish is yes, big, but that doesn't mean it has to overshadow the lesser ones. Slowly work your way to realizing the simpler wishes first and then up to your biggest wish.

You may ask me, why wish for things? The answer is simple. A goal or a dream is in itself, a wish.
Yes, you saw that right.

Do you remember the wishes that you had set every year on your birthdays? If you have forgotten about them then they are not really important.

We are taught to dream big, to aspire for great things in life. But, we forget that if we only want to savour the fruit of sweetness, we miss out on other fruits that taste delicious too.

Like an old saying goes, "All good things must come to an end." Here's my saying, "All good and bad things must come to an end."

Don't just look for the good stuff. Experience for yourself the "bad" stuff too, like failures in life. Don't just wish a wish, work for it to come true too. Don't expect only the good stuff, savour too the fruit of bitterness in order to fully appreciate the fruit of sweetness.

(C) 2006,2007,2008,2009 Absolutely Daniel Yoleh.

Being Happy Takes Effort

What are you giving up your joy for? That's a question I'd like to ask myself. Is it because of unhappy circumstances, or unhappy relationships?

Learn to LOVE yourself. Here's my take on what LOVE can stand for:

L earn
O vercome
V erify
E njoy

Let's start with L (earn):
We can either wallow in self-pity when we failed at something or simply learn from why we failed in the first place and try not to make the same old silly mistake again.
I always thought that if something does not work out for me, it will NEVER work for me again. Boy, I was so wrong.
When I was 15 years old, i was diagnosed with schizophrenia and did badly for my exams because i was too stressed and too afraid of exams. I put tremendous amount of pressure on myself to memorize all of my books for the exams in a short period of time.
It took me 3 tries for my GCE 'O' Levels before i finally passed.
Today, I have learned to minimize my stress by studying in advance before tests/exams.

O (vercome):
We either overcome or be swallowed up by everything that seems to be going wrong at the same time.
There are so many regrets we have in life. The what ifs of our mind keep popping up every now and then. The past is the past. Today is the present. Make full use of what you are given NOW.
It won't be easy, no one said it would be, but YOU can do it!
I'm still learning how to relax my body whenever it tenses up because my body has been conditioned to tense up at the slightest thing due to my illness and even though I'm not 100% successful, I'm still trying!

V (erify)
Always check through the things people say to you, be it a criticism or a snide remark, what I've learnt is this: Take things with a pinch of salt.
If someone calls me fat, it can either be due to his insecurity of how he looks or it can simply be due to the fact he doesn't like fat people. I can either feel more insecure about myself because of a worthless remark or I can choose to love myself more when others don't. It's about the choices we make in life, how true it is!

E (njoy)
Enjoy whatever you are doing, don't let others tell you how to live your life. If someone doesn't like the way you play games, its his/her own problem. Playing games is part of your life, why let others take away what you enjoy? However, in whatever we do, there has got to be a balance.

When we learn to fully love ourselves, life will be much more easier to live. I am still on the learning journey to love myself more and more as each day passes by. I can do it and so can YOU!

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